6.29.2006

Signoff

move-out day. adios muchachos.

6.27.2006

Intermission

well, i'm back from a quick trip home. remind me never to go to fresno during the summer again. it wasn't that bad, but i prefer not to be covered in a film of sweat three seconds after stepping outdoors. just a personal preference.

i will be moving to a new residence shortly. probably thursday or friday, to be exact. so at that time i will be unable to access the internet from home, and will have to rely on work to get email/contact people/etc. i don't think this blog will see much action during the month of july, but i may head over to the library on weekends and mess around on the internet. but don't fret, after july i will be moving (again) into a more fixed residence. and yes, my internet access will be reinstated. so hang in there.

6.21.2006

Sickening

i just turned the television off in absolute disgust after watching the worst case of partisan hackery in recent memory. sean hannity and ann coulter on hannity and colmes (fox news, of course) called repeatedly for democrats and liberals to "apologize to the country" for saying bush was wrong to go to war. the reason? because 500 canisters of sarin and mustard gas have been discovered in iraq since 2003. 500 decrepit, degraded, abandoned (from the mouth of bush's own weapons inspection team) chemical munitions from iraq's 1991 stockpile have been found (and dismissed as inconsequential). and these neo-con assholes on fox news are actually using this as a basis of argument to support bush's decision to go to war?! because of weapons that saddam probably forgot about or lost?! they are trying to get bush off on a fucking technicality?! they are peddling this bullshit as if it's some reason, some glorious, shining validation of why 2,500 americans and countless iraqi civilians have died?! un-fucking-believable.

Stretching

from a los angeles times article:

A low-budget, inspirational football movie made by Baptist pastors in Georgia has triggered a flood of attacks by Christian groups that accuse Hollywood's main trade association of penalizing the film by giving it a PG rating.
...
"This incident raises the disquieting possibility that MPAA considers exposure to Christian themes more dangerous for children than exposure to gratuitous sex and mindless violence," said Rep. Roy Blunt (R-Mo.).

well. i don't know how many pg movies are being released with gratuitous sex and mindless violence. let's take a look at what kinds of movies have been rated pg in the past:

101 dalmations
the adventures of rocky and bullwinkle
christmas with the kranks
elf
stuart little
looney tunes: back in action
lilo and stitch
ice age
flubber
shiloh

that's pretty rough company for a good, christian, family movie. there is no way it belongs in that lot of sexually charged, murderously violent examples of cinematic debauchery. get a grip, people.

I Blink, They Sleep

discover the blink/sleep dynamic and how it involves bush, america, and the rest of world.

discover dubya's need to constantly self-assure himself of his stature.


these are examples of bushisms, which, if you take some time to sift through that site, are extremely repetitive. from i heart huckabees, here is an explanation for repetitive behavior:

-why do you think that you tell the mayo story so much?
-i don't know. why?

-it's propaganda.
-for mayonnaise?

-for you. specifically, you're so impressive because you know shania. and you're so strong, because you pull one on her.
-you're a funny guy, a good guy.
-keeping everyone laughing...so that maybe, quote, you don't get depressed.
-well, what's so great about depression?
-nothing. unless it holds the key...to something you compulsively avoid...so it will never be examined or felt...hence your behavior becomes repetitive, like the story.

Spot-on Diagnosis

a comment by usmco311 on yglesias's blog:

I think we have the most dangerous man ever to occupy the White House. He is willing to kill and torture to "save face." This is not normal. This is not moral. This is sadistic. He does not seem to be mentally stable. He may be teetering on the edge of psychosis. This needs to be taken seriously. Someone in the inner sanctum of Republican power, perhaps the "elder statesman," needs to pursue this. It must be done, and in a discreet way so as not to precipitate the horrible ultimate "incident." Like talking someone in off of a ledge. Maybe it's already being done – I hope so.

We have seen a president who has left torture and death and destruction in his wake. A path he had chosen when more benign options were available. We've seen him frolic and laugh about WMDs while Americans and Iraqis were being maimed and killed at that moment. We've heard him use inappropriate statements and slogans unbecoming the President of the United States. We've gotten some laughs from his mangled language and syntax, while the mangled bodies were piling up. I don't laugh at his tortured language anymore, because I realize the way he speaks is the way he thinks - gibberish that's twisted and nonsensical and meaningless.

He patronizes, ridicules and sneers at anyone who has the temerity to ask for an explanation for anything he does. He refuses to properly honor those he has sent to their deaths. Not one funeral attended. Coffins brought in under the cover of darkness to hide his shameful acts. This is not normal behavior. This is callous. This is a sense of divine entitlement. His behavior is dangerous for us and for the world.

Under-the-Rug Sweepers

this is up all over the blogosphere, but it was too ridiculous to pass up. unbelievable.

Selective Reporting

where are their heads buried? i'll give you one chance to figure out my theory (and it's not "in the sand").

6.20.2006

Pandora

it's been another fabulous day in los angeles. i spent the day checking box office figures on movies from ishtar to american graffiti (see graffiti, not ishtar). every site i went to had different figures for each movie, because that's a rational thing to happen in a world. so i had to spend the day sorting all that out.

this site was recommended to me by a friend, and it's pretty freakin' awesome. almost like a music tivo in that it predicts songs that you may like based on artists you add. check it out, it's a good way to find new music.

looks like i'll be heading back to fresno this coming weekend. i'm praying for a cold spell, but i know it'll probably be in the upper 90s at best. that's why i'll have to drown myself in cold, cold beer the whole time.

update: well, i just checked the weather forecast for fresno. friday...106 degrees. 106...degrees...fahrenheit. why?! @%^$%^@$@!^.

6.18.2006

Frisbee and Peace

we got a place for july. three bedrooms, actually, so it's a pretty sweet deal. except for the having to move twice in a month part. and the no internet or television unless we get it installed part. and the further away from my internship part. but i can't really complain.

my legs were destroyed by mosquitos last night. not cool. i understand the desire for people to have outdoor parties. i just wish i didn't have to pay the price with my own blood.

i think i'm gonna go be one of those guys on campus who sits on the grass and plays guitar and reads. i need a faux escape into nature.

6.15.2006

Renovation Schmenovation

it finally happened. my worst fear was finally realized. renovation was completed on the usc dive tank, and now morning rec swim is held there instead of the 50 meter pool. i might add that the dive tank is a swimmer's worst nightmare. take a look at the plethora of terrible things this pool has to offer a legit swimmer trying to get in a decent workout.

1. temperature: a putrid 83-84 degrees. those of you that are swimmers know that the temperature of the water is essential in having a good workout. a good number is around 78-79. 80-82 is tepid at best. 83+ is dante's inferno.

2. walls: in designing this shameful pit of despair, the architects seemed to want to stick with the "old person spa time" theme. cut into the length of each wall is a narrow slit, which can only be explained as some nimrod's idea of a way to help people climb out of the pool, just in case they don't want to swim to one of the four ladders located, at most, only a few lanes away. unfortunately, this gash is also placed with such precise ineptitude as to prevent any normal swimmer from getting a good push off the wall. it takes skill to awkwardly cram your foot into a 6 inch opening and still get any decent propulsion.

3. chlorine: here is where the temperature plays another huge factor. setting the pool heater at "simmer" unfortunately creates a prime opportunity for bacteria to transform the pool into a tepid cesspool of disease and squalor. solution? double...no, triple the chlorine dosage. the first clue is when the steam rising from the jacuzzi-like water stings the nostrils. along with the savage burning sensation while in the water, one might also note the absence of any remaining body hair upon exiting the scalding cauldron of acidic liquid. and don't worry about that mindnumbingly irritating rash developing all over your body. that's just your skin committing suicide.

i could go on, but i think you get the picture. all i want to know is, who is using this pool that enjoys each of these seemingly hellish features? no one in their right mind--oh, wait. i forgot about the divers.

6.14.2006

Translation

an article in the los angeles times today said our president proclaimed that the united states is dedicated to a democratic iraq. let's take a look at bush's quotes in this story and determine what they really mean:

bush says: he was "inspired to be able to visit the capital of a free and democratic iraq."
bush means: "i can't believe i can walk into that place and not get my head blown clean off."

bush says: "america is a nation that keeps its commitments...it's in our interests that iraq succeed."
bush means: "i've got our feet stuck so deep in this trough of pig crap that the only way out is to wade around until we thin it out a little."

bush says: it is important to meet with iraqi prime minister nouri maliki to see "firsthand the strength of his character and his deep commitment to succeed."
bush means: "i need to make sure the strings on my puppet are tight enough that it'll do what i want."

bush says: "no matter the polls and all this business, it's worth it, it's necessary, and we will succeed...don't bet on american politics forcing my hand because it's not going to happen."
bush means: "what are polls? what are constituents? what the hell are you talking about, responsibility to my people? i don't have time for this, rovey is free! it's party time! who's bringing the yeyo?"

Humdrum

well, it's another early morning. i don't have much to report because not much is going on. i put some new strings on sera the other day, so that's been nice. i can slide again! and the sound is a whole lot cleaner. wow. this is a boring post. i'll save you from the misery and end it here.

6.09.2006

The Big One

alright, here's a list of stuff that happened on june 10th:

famous births:
john edwards
tara lipinski
judy garland

famous deaths:
alexander the great
john gotti
ray charles

events:
italy declares war on france and great britain
canada declares war on italy
rommel leads german forces to the english channel
norway surrenders to germany
alcoholics anonymous founded in akron, ohio
saab produces its first automobile
us marines land on cuba during spanish-american war

and of course:
i was born

6.08.2006

Lunchtime Entertainment

check out this vid of stewie from family guy singing eminem. whoever put it together did a slick job of editing. nice.

Early Morning

it's around 8:00 a.m. right now. i'm just back from a swim and i'm listening to hells bells by ac/dc and getting pumped up for the day before the last day before the weekend. i'm finally returning to my job at the business school. we thankfully finished the latimes dining guide on tuesday. that was pretty much a hellish experience. now i'm working on a few actual stories. so much better. well, i'm going to stop typing so i don't wake up the roomies.

6.06.2006

The Antichrist

from a nytimes article:

The wager of the day on [BetUS.com]: "Will the World End on 6-6-06?" By 6 p.m. yesterday, 216 of the 700 gamblers had bet an average of just more than $2 that yes, the world would end. The odds stood at 100,000 to 1.

first of all, i'd just like to say thanks to those 216 people for trying to cash in on the annihilation of mankind. i appreciate their faith in our species. second of all, how do they plan on collecting their winnings? part of the whole "world ending" scenario does, in fact, involve the world actually ending. i'm sure a few hundred grand is going to go a long way on a post-apocalyptic planet earth. thirdly, it's about 8:00 in the evening right now, and the world still hasn't ended. what is the antichrist waiting for? don't you think he'd be kind of chomping at the bit to get the mayhem and anarchy and human suffering underway? finally, what business does this story have on the front page of the nytimes site? i'd understand if it was in the "quirky news" section or something. are we now celebrating people's stupidity? great. we've got plenty to go around.

here are some things i've witnessed/experienced on my bike trips to my internship downtown:

1. a homeless guy with jeans hanging around his knees and his ass hanging in the breeze
2. a man in a red sedan rolling down his window and blatantly dropping trash onto the ground in front of me
3. countless people suddenly changing direction right before i pass them so i nearly slam into them
4. a "fuck you" from a beefy mexican girl after i hopped off the curb into the street to avoid having to try to maneuver around her and her friend
5. every possible red light on the 4 or so miles to the latimes building
6. an asian man slowly pushing a cart through a crosswalk despite the fact that he saw the police cruiser blazing down the street toward him with its siren wailing
7. four different creepy guys unabashedly ogling four different (unattractive) girls at four different locations on one trip
8. countless "horn-rapings" of tourists by veteran drivers

6.04.2006

The Petal Tide

it was a quiet, warm summer evening when the flowers attacked. they pulled up their roots with a quiet popping sound and shuddered the dirt from their pale white tendrils. a tall sunflower lost its balance on the smooth cement sidewalk and bumped into a garbage can. a line of daisies marched across the strips of grass in front of the apartment complexes and two-story houses along the shadowed street. a squad of dandelions secured the left flank. two red zinnias signaled the attack and the battalion of tulips, hydrangeas and germaniums moved in and captured the freshly-watered lawn. walter p. appleby couldn't get from the front porch of his pale green townhouse to his car the next day and had to call in sick. the grass was strewn with bodies and he spent hours carefully wrapping each one in moist paper towels and moving them to the wet dirt around the edge of the yard.

6.03.2006

Thumbs Up

first of all, the inspiration from this post came from the state of extreme boredom i found myself in during a 7-hour restaurant-calling shift at my internship. i had a little downtime between calls, in a sort of a holding pattern until the next wave of restaurant managers were due in, so i was cruising through the l.a. times site. it was the front page picture that made me realize, politicians have terrible thumbs up form. take this shot of new orleans mayor ray nagin for example:








can you believe that? overextension, weak fist action, flimsy wrist. it's all so wrong. now look at these from our great leader:

















let's examine the first one. extreme overextension. loose fist clench. emotionless facial expression. no power. now let's take a look at the second. a little better in terms of extension, but the hand is still much too high in relation to the body. the facial expression inspires ridicule and defeats any sense of the victorious nature of a good thumbs up. now let's see some examples of well-executed thumbs up:


















we have great form in the first example. the kid's got a nice, tight arm position. the hand is situated next to the face, not too high, not too low. he's got the fist locked in like a pro, and the smirk ties the whole package together nicely. the next example, featuring tony the tiger, also displays excellent positioning. the hand is up and in, next to the face, and the other arm crossed over the chest expounds an even greater sense of accomplishment. take some notes, folks. this is how you execute a successful thumbs up.