Renovation Schmenovation

it finally happened. my worst fear was finally realized. renovation was completed on the usc dive tank, and now morning rec swim is held there instead of the 50 meter pool. i might add that the dive tank is a swimmer's worst nightmare. take a look at the plethora of terrible things this pool has to offer a legit swimmer trying to get in a decent workout.

1. temperature: a putrid 83-84 degrees. those of you that are swimmers know that the temperature of the water is essential in having a good workout. a good number is around 78-79. 80-82 is tepid at best. 83+ is dante's inferno.

2. walls: in designing this shameful pit of despair, the architects seemed to want to stick with the "old person spa time" theme. cut into the length of each wall is a narrow slit, which can only be explained as some nimrod's idea of a way to help people climb out of the pool, just in case they don't want to swim to one of the four ladders located, at most, only a few lanes away. unfortunately, this gash is also placed with such precise ineptitude as to prevent any normal swimmer from getting a good push off the wall. it takes skill to awkwardly cram your foot into a 6 inch opening and still get any decent propulsion.

3. chlorine: here is where the temperature plays another huge factor. setting the pool heater at "simmer" unfortunately creates a prime opportunity for bacteria to transform the pool into a tepid cesspool of disease and squalor. solution? double...no, triple the chlorine dosage. the first clue is when the steam rising from the jacuzzi-like water stings the nostrils. along with the savage burning sensation while in the water, one might also note the absence of any remaining body hair upon exiting the scalding cauldron of acidic liquid. and don't worry about that mindnumbingly irritating rash developing all over your body. that's just your skin committing suicide.

i could go on, but i think you get the picture. all i want to know is, who is using this pool that enjoys each of these seemingly hellish features? no one in their right mind--oh, wait. i forgot about the divers.