And You Think It's Just a Game

i've realized that while i would be upset about any loss our football team suffers, the last team i want to beat us is fresno state. that would undoubtedly unleash a fury of cacophonic phone calls from fresno residents who were formerly known as my friends and colleagues. you can be sure that riots would ensue as the red wave tried to charge the field, which, as we all know, is guarded by the highly professional los angeles police department. i'm sure there are few moments of sheer bliss in the life of a cop more enjoyable than a couple of free shots with the blunt end of a nightstick to the cranium of a smart-ass college student. then these beaten, bruised and now truly "red" wavers would return to the peace and quiet of fresno with tales of violence and degradation from the heart of south central. it may be worthy to point out at this moment a few incidents involving the student section in bulldog stadium, which coincidentally is located directly behind the visiting team's bench. i believe one of them involved the use of a phillips head screwdriver as an aerial projectile. yet we can all be assured that hypocrisy runs rampant among most football fanatics. the violence experienced at the coliseum in the event of a bulldog victory would not be described as an isolated incident like the airborne implement of former mention, but rather a series of brutal, premeditated malefactions emblematic of a community deep in the throes of savagery. just for the sheer protection of our image as a peaceful populace, we must crush this wave of red that threatens to blanket us with claims of debauchery. so fight on, noble trojans. our societal esteem rests in your hands.