Debts

we discussed another interesting topic in my french class today (it's funny how a class that is so incredibly uptight and shy talks about such important questions and ideas). we were talking about meursault in the stranger and the validity of everyone having to pay a debt to society. my professor talked about how it's important to follow the rules of our society and our institutions, i.e. marriage, religion, the law, etc. i think that's valid to a certain extent (a fairly minimal one in my mind actually). but there is something that just seems to be a whole lot more important to me than this idea of a debt to society, and that is a debt to oneself. i'm not advocating chaos and anarchy here; i completely understand the need for rules and institutions. but as selfish as it may seem, it is just more important to me that i live my life in a way that makes me content. if i spend my whole life helping others and following all the rules and going to church, but during it all i'm completely miserable? that to me is a denial of a basic need that exists within everyone: the desire for happiness. and people always give me this argument that sacrificing one's own happiness for the betterment of others is a noble cause because it is very painful and difficult to achieve. but it seems to me that it's much easier to denounce one's own desires in the name of humanity than it is to embrace those desires and try to find a way to realize them. i think there is an important balance to be found between the two; between the selflessness and the selfishness. and i think it's necessary to be content, or at least somewhat at ease, with one's own life before trying to help others.