undergraduate jonathan murray was found dead in his apartment yesterday next to a slice of birthday cake. friends say minutes before his death he repeatedly inserted the confectionary delight halfway into his mouth and then screamed frantically. coroners ruled the cause of death as self-implosion of the head due to a prolonged attempt to have his cake and eat it too.
ed. note: this and other "news" stories will be posted on a new blog project of mine called enough necktie. you can access it from my links section of this blog. visit and comment!
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